Victims of Pressure.

pressureMany of us won’t to admit it, but reality is: when things hit the fans, the heat moulds us. We lose ourselves and allow the pressure to shape us.  We set aside who we are, what we know and what we believe in, just to move along with the crowds. We adhere to social norms and expectations just to get a round of applause. And what’s even worse is that we actually make ourselves believe that this is who we are.

We step into situations with our eyes wide opened but somehow our minds shut. We move with the flow and don’t see the need to question, let alone to develop a thinking pattern. As long as someone else has done it before and succeeded, then we replicate what they did when facing the same storm. “It has always been done like that. Why fix something that’s not broken.” We turn to justify forgetting that, just because everyone else is going to right, going left is not wrong.

In front of masses we preach what is expected of us and not what’s from our hearts. None of us wants the weight that comes with explaining our sole non-compliance, we always feel the need to have seconders. We don’t want the burden of being “The first”, whereas in contrast, we all want to be the next Steve Jobs. But how if pressure trembles us?

Individually we know what we need but collectively we shy out from the voices inside. We agree to what we dislike and vote in favour of what shutters our prides. What hurts the most is that some of us, somewhere deep down, we know that we want to be “retards”, but we are terrified of doing what is not on the system. We want different fruits but afraid to sow different seeds.

Where am I going with this? To reality – I am just hoping that we could for once face facts and stop ditching reality for what it is. We are so consumed in acting like we always have a bull by its horns whilst live in regret. Until when are we going to be our own enemies- alleged victims of pressure? Until when are we going to delay the pleasure that comes with being the odd one out?


Heavy Soul

I bottle it all in because voicing never addresses the roots.
In God’s temple I am left with scars that have no wounds,
Skeletons with no tombs,
And blemishes that only burn as the sun sets.
My core pains,
My heart, spine even soul aches.
I say, you say; it’s like it all lands on deaf ears,
Same trailer throughout the years,
Interpretions manifest into whatever we long to hear,
I guess that’s how I ended up here right?
Right! Teddy, I am so glad you don’t have a pulse because by now you should be fed up.

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To XY (Part 2)

When I close my eyes,
Trying to dream at night,
I end up reflecting on life.
Seeing the hurt in your eyes
When I walked out on what we had
Still pierces my heart whenever I lay down to rest.
Your words haunt me like ghosts on Nigerian movies,
And like fruits to become smoothies,
They break me; crush me; and weaken me like I had forsaken thy will that had to be done.
More often than not, I find myself sobbing on my pillow,
The 2am thoughts that shake my conscience, got me wondering why?
They trigger my senses;
Question my saneness
I swear at times I wish I could die.
You were so real and you still are
You were so caring and you still are
Trillions of boxes you ticked right,
And just cause of those two blank boxes, I went blind.
Male specie I forgot that you too had flaws,
I really didn’t mean to use your love to mop the my floors.

Midnight Cry

Sandile 20170705_103425

Ever questioned God about your existance?
Wondering if your life is just one of those bad-horrible dreams or one of those tales about resilience?
How does one bounce back?
Down on your knees,
With the world on your sholders,
And tears falling off stream?
Like Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, you are supposed to be blessed because you are alive, breathing, and have eaten.
Forbidden fruit, why did they lay their eyes on you?
Didn’t you have thorns?
Why did you allow them to lay their hands on you?
Frustration and anger have started creeping in, clouding the over view.
The vision no longer so clear you wonder:
What have I ever done to you?
“Oh Lord, My God
When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the work thy hands have made”
I am supposed to see the stars,
And hear the roaring thunder
But all I can see is the forever lasting drama.
And hear everyone’s fictitious flumber
With each day comes a different episode that end with nothing gained
But just thoughts covered by dark clouds, and a torn heart.
Father! Is this still thou Art?

To XY (Part 1)

Truth be told; last time I messed up.

No sugar-coat; last time I fucked up.

I had torn up every single thing we had ever created,

And erased every memory we had ever built. 

The loyalty, trust and love that we once felt, 

I crashed without even thinking twice.

Our union was slowly amended. 

I had to pull the trigger, for heaven’s sake I was tempted.

My deepest condolence, our love was cremated. 

See it only felt right for me to paint you black when things didn’t go right,

Because I had given myself a title of being perfect and I couldn’t just swallow my pride. 

It only makes social sense that you were the one at fault just because you are an XY. 

Male specie I had forgotten that you too had feelings. 

Versatile Blogger Awars

Hey my lovely people.

Let me first start by apologizing for taking so long to accept this award. After receiving my first award nomination I really didn’t expected to receive another one so soon after. I am honestly humbled. 

I would like to thank for nominating me. Please follow her blog as she is an amaizing blogger. This blog has really opened up my eye to so many things. Not only is it about fashion but Tash also lets us into her real world. Which makes it even more fascinating to follow. 

My Nominees:

7 Facts about me:

1) I don’t like being begged, it annoys the ish out of me😣

2) I have a scars on my right chick and neck😊

3) I initially wanted to study medicine, but that’s a topic for another day.😢

4) I always get confused when asked how many siblings do I have😨

5) I can cook😍 that’s my other form of therapy 

6) I am allergic to pets😭😭😭 and i love them 

7) This may sound crazy but the only reason I do not go to the museum is because those Dinosaurs scarethe life out of me🙈

 Thank you guys for the love and support you have been showing me. You really motivate me to continue writing. Please do not forget to check out the blogs i have nominated, they are amazing and i know you will enjoy them.

Love TeeAnn 😗😗😗

Letter of Apology 

​To whom it may concern

I guess this blog might as well be a diary, but then again I do not like being put into a box, I guess I am claustrophobic. Nevertheless, I am writing this letter to apologise to the skinny, light skinned, short and finally the blond me.

I was very hesitant as to whether or not should I write this letter, because I really don’t know how are you going to react it. Even though what I’m about to say may sound a bit hush, trust me it comes from a good place inside. A place that I never thought existed and I hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me.

 Roughly a decade ago I had made promises to you that I am about to break. Promises that were made out of anger or was it self-pity? Ag, it doesn’t matter. Point is that then I was in a dark place, dancing with wolfs and hugging with owls. Then the vow was relevant to take, but now that I have grown, I can see that those promises were just fouls. 

See, when I was nine, Barbie girl was game, and at the time we were all obsessed with her beauty, talent and fame. And like Martin Luther King, I just had to have a dream. A dream that one day I will afford Herbex since it attacks the fat for everyone. A dream that I would be confident enough to get my hair dyed all blond without caring about anyone.  See, I had a dream that I will one day be just like Barbie, a petite light shawty who was nowhere near being a nun. Not that there was anything wrong with being a nun, just that that wasn’t my kinda fun.

Please understand that when I crossed my heart and hoped to die, I was drowning in tears laboured by pain. An ache caused by the person I had thought was my beloved pillar. For the first time in my life I had been judged based on my appearance and not abrupt my brilliance. As if for the past nine years thou had not been living with me to know my thigh size. That critic had left me with a lifetime scar. I mean no one wants the stigma that comes with being a pig let alone a cow. No one wants to hold the burden of proof that they are just as worthy even though they are three shades darker. Honestly, no one wants to carry the shame that comes with being the” black sheep” of the family.
Now stepping to when I was sixteen, life was not so green. Even though the mask I wore portrayed a strong young lady with a huge personality, my only consoler at night was assuring you that in no time I will embrace you in the eyes of the beholders.  I mean, that’s where beauty lays right? I guess the image of Barbie was still stuck in my head or had it moved my heart? Potato Potahto, what difference does it make? To me you were a necessary “big break”. Then I had started admiring the likes of Beyoncé Knowles and Penelope Cruz-small frames.  And that was not because I knew any better but because then no one really complimented the beauty of creatures like Itumeleng Bokaba and Jill Scott-round flames. Unfortunately for me, even the Beauty of the Beauty and The Beast had partitioned for your unveil.

Let me stop moving around in circles and just call a spade, a spade.  They say that out of sight is out of mind and believe in me it was never my intention to hoop into that ride. Not that I was lost, but now I have found myself. Infect, I have made peace with what was then my broken pieces. The madam I had grown to has so much pride, to a point that the things that were then seen as flaws are now treasured. She is so comfortable in her own skin and espouses her marks. I finally understand that there is nothing wrong with being Miss TD Round. Confidence has taken it course but now instead of wanting to go blond, I actually am in love with being bold. I see myself as a pot of gold. Smaller doesn’t make sense anymore and lighter doesn’t shine so bright anymore.

I am sorry but, you are no longer part of my core. There is no space for you in my life. I don’t know what I was thinking when I said that one day you would be live, and for that I sincerely apologise.
Yours Trully


The liebster award!

Hey guys. I am really humbled by this nomination/tag. I never saw it coming. It has only been 4 days of me blogging and I am already receiving such love and appreciation.  I would love to thank for nominating me. This really labours a lot of motivation for me to continue blogging and touch other people’s lives. The blog is a must follow because it’s just versatile but it is also relevant. It really showed me that I can take my blog to whatsoever level my brain desires.

So the rules are as following:
1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you and display the award.
2. Answer the 11 questions the blogger gives you.
3. Give 11 random facts about yourself.
4. Nominate 11 blogs.
5. Notify those blogs of the nomination.
6. Give them 11 questions to answer.


1) What is the first moment you remember from your life?
It has to be when I received a call from my former high school teacher telling me that I have made it into the Top 100 learners in my province/state. And I also made it into the top 10 best learners in Accounting.

2) What was your last milestone?

Damn. Having to move back home after I didn’t get placement back at Res. 

3) What is your favorite cuisine?
Definately the Poitjiekos😍😍😍 y’all should try it.

4) If you could give a speech to the whole world what would you talk about?
Wow! Firstly my audience would have to be parents. I am not all kids in the world but I would love to talk to parents and make them understand that as kids, we need more attention than we may ask for. We are not some machines that function fully when given money. We need an ear, love, guidance.

5)Do you like fried or baked?

6)Brown or white rice?
My granny would kick me if she saw this🙈 but I prefer whitr rice.

7)Favorite Disney movie?
It’s hard to choose between Cinderella and Beauty and The Beast😢

8)Who’s your favourite author?
Zakes Mda. This man is amaizing. I like like likeeeee his books.

9) What kind of magazines do you read? 
I don’t know what to call them. But those magazines that come with the end of the month clothing store accounts. Lol… they 

10) If you could go anywhere where would you go?
I would love to go to Paris. Besides going shopping, I love the vive that I get from reading about Paris. The buildings, the people, the stores, the food… beautiful 😍

11) If you had your own mythical animal which one would it be? (Animals from books count)
Those horses with wings… lol

11 random facts:-

1) I am Catholic

2) I don’t like fresh milk

3) I love blue and grey clothing items

4) I am out spoken

5) I love food

6) I am my mother’s last child

7) I don’t like alcohol though I love going out

8) I can’t sing… lol

9) I don’t like being broke, that’s why I spend wisely.

10) I am a questioning individual 

11) I hate being asked, where am I going, with who, why did I do what, who just called me… if I want you to know, I will tell you.

Nominees :

You can answer the above questions just edit my answers.

Don’t forget to visit these blogs and follow😚



Just My Silenced Voice

At some point in time we were all understood. At least I was understood.
Once upon a time my midnight cries clearly indicated that I was hungry and needed to be fed. My smile only meant that I was just happy and had no pain hidden behind it. This was the time when my gu-ah-eh made sense and they all knew it meant carry me, no pretence. 

Unfortunately, a child is no tripod pot. As a result growth came and she came in with her evil cousin, Misconception. Who unlike Donald Trump, didn’t just introduce the idea of building a wall between Mexico and the United State of America, but instead acted like the late Adolf Hitler and built the great wall between hearing and understanding, infect between articulation and interpretation.  

Now there are words written between the lines. Language ain’t so obvious anymore. Word of mouth ain’t so meaningful anymore. I find myself speaking yet no one would be listening, it’s like I am speaking in tongues. Everyone pays attention and claim to be hearing me, but from their response only one question is derived: How much did this person just spend? Because their retort is weaker than a supermarket’s home brand coffee- next of keen.   

Sometimes self-conversations are the only real conversations where one is not being misunderstood. Where I am actually saying something and not “trying to say” another. Where no one is worried about what I didn’t say but rather what I actually said. 


Though it may seems like I am slowly driving myself to the destination of depression, silence just feels much better. I guess the only person who understands my phrasing is my oh so dear aunt Diary. Even though she doesn’t utter a single word to tell me that it will get better in time, at least she gets my intentions. To her my HIM AND I is not questioned for US, my I CAN’T is not converted into I WON’T, my sorry is not fishy and my love is not suspicious.

I am tired of speaking now. My voice seem to not be audible anymore. I might as well befriend Paper and Pen, because when ink meets paper, a consensus is reached between my point and the response I am bound to get. Wounds heal much better and faster, no spirits is added. No dream is crushed when I finally shut the book, a voice is granted. Me and my message finally united.


Words of the heart.

Don’t put me in a cage and try to categorise what I am about to say. This ain’t a poem or speech. It’s just a piece, simply me pouring my heart out.
Going back to the first time I saw you,

I ask myself: baby girl what did you see?

I guess my eyesight had forsaken me.

My judgements of you had been blinded by what I was feeling,

The unexplainable emotions and the overwhelming butterflies that only made me blush.

The “I am only about you girl” texts sent in the mist of me rushing to my seven o’clock class, standing in long queues at Xerox, then eventually during lunch.

I guess love is blind, but how could that be if the heart has no eyes?

Or is it that the mind is so paranoid; that it thinks that every Prince is nice?

I mean I had to match the midnight texts with what was being presented before me.

The vacant space had to have a fitting piece for the puzzle to be complete right?

Right! There is no difference between salt and sugar-the local taxi and an uber,

Just like there was no difference between your mistakes and faults.

Slowly I got into the trend of acceptance and reasoning.

Reasoning? Well that’s just me going easy on myself and not wanting to say stupidity,

Because with your words logic was eliminated, the truth was rejected.

Reality just had to be thrown as far as possible because you had no flaws,

My guy, you were god, your wish was my commend.

Even though you never gave me a set of rules, I knew my 10 commandments;

I shall not have no other boyfriend other than you,

I shall not have an image in my gallery with any other man, for you are a jealous boyfriend and you will punish our children because of their mother’s misbehaviour.

I shall not tell the heart-breaking things you get me through to a living soul.

I shall not kill what we have.

I shall tell you where am I going and with whom am I leaving with.

I shall tolerate your mood swing like you are the one having her periods.

When you do not tell me something, I shall not ask.

I shall not go through your phone.

I shall forgive your bullshit seven times seventy times.

And finally, I shall support your dreams when though you shatter mine.

My guy, I knew them all off by heart like I am waiting for judgement day.

Despite how many times you broke my heart or how many rumours I heard of who you were tapping out there, I still said that I would rather be decapitated than to live without you.

I loved you so I forgave.

Even though I never forgot, it just had to be well with my soul.

I had to learn how to conduct a burial like Asupol,

Be a priest, a preacher man and seal the return of dust to dust, ashes to ashes and let bygones be bygones.

Even though the stories of your dishonesty played at the back of my head like a bioscope,

I had to hold my head up high and smile in every selfie we took.

Yet, I was suffocating, slowly dying from the inside.

Breathing felt like a curse more than it was a blessing.

Waking up was like a punishment from the heavens that were trying to tell me that I should get out of that hell. But what could I see? Everyone had their faults right? Let thou with no sin be the one to cast the first stone right?

All will be well in due time,

The man I fell in love with will be back in no time.

Lol! How stupid, that can only be part of the ninth commandment,

How could I have missed that?

I guess love is more ignorant more that it is blind.